Ark Vs Officers
by outerelf
Summary: Two officers have finally snapped and are ready to declare war. Prank war that is. How long will it take for the Arks crew to find out? They probably never will.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is pretty much a quick warning, but this is going to be a series of drabbles, of whatever I choose, whenever I have the chance to post. Any ideas on what to do will be welcomed. This first chapter is just setting it all up.

* * *

_Done. I am completely and totally through with the idiocy of this crew. _The shadowy figure in Ratchets medbay cursed inwardly.

The day had not gone well for him. The crew had apparently decided to have a 'let's see how many times we can make you-know-who crash' game, for the fifth day in a row. It was getting ridiculous.

A low groan and the shifting of tired gears reached his auditory receptors. Revenge he could do alone. It would be much easier however if he had a partner- "Prowl?"

"Red Alert."

"Although officers are not supposed to resort to petty revenge, I am tired. How about we get some revenge?"

"I agree."

"Who should we hit first?"

"I believe Sideswipe and Sunstreaker would be the best idea-" Prowl said softly, optics glinting in the dim light.

"How?"

"Ratchet always complains about how their heads are in the clouds-"

"Say no more. I'll get it out of the storage."

Prowl settled back with a smirk. Oh yes, Ark watch out, he was going to get some revenge.

_Score: Officers Vs. Ark: ?-?_


	2. Chapter 2

Sideswipes optics wearily onlined. For a single moment he thought he was still recharging. His twins snoring face rapidly dispelled that illusion. He glanced around, hoping that what he was seeing wasn't true.

It was true.

"Sunny! Sunny, wake up!" Sideswipe whispered, dazed.

Sunstreaker would've rolled over if he could. "Five more breems."

"Sunny!"

"How many times must I tell you not to call me that?" Sunstreaker snarled, one angry blue optic snapping open to stare hard at his twin.

Sideswipe mutely pointed down. Sunstreaker rolled his optics as he looked down. And choked. "Sides-"

"Yes."

"Are we really stuck to the ceiling?"

"Yes."

"And is it really Ratchet beneath us?"

"Yes."

"And why do I get the feeling that whatever is keeping us up is going to snap?"

Sideswipe had the ridiculous idea of what position they were in. Their legs were tightly bound with wire rope, which went up into a crude pulley, and then back down, across the other side of the room. It was tied to a stake. And underneath that wire rope, out of all things, was a flamethrower. It was turned onto an almost impossibly low setting, slowly melting through the wires holding the twins up.

There were only four or five strands left. "Sunny, just so you know, I was actually the one who stole your high-grade."

The strands snapped before Sunstreaker could react.

Their screams drifted out, satisfactorily to the two mechs standing outside, as Red Alert whispered, "I'll give you a copy of the of it later."

Officers vs. Ark: 1-0


	3. Chapter 3

It was party night tonight. Red Alert groaned as Jazz went bouncing by, humming merrily. Prowl, if he had been a cat, would've had his ears laid back. Both had a huge amount of paper work left to do.

Not only did the President of the United States of America wished to have a full report on what was going on, but so did every single European country. The other countries were also clamoring for reports, but Prowl was willing to put them off.

Red Alert had different problems of course. His problems had to deal with the 100 odd human officials that would be visiting the Ark in hopes of cultivating a friendship the big alien visitors.

A party was the last thing either needed. "I am not going to the party Jazz. I have too much to do. Every country is clamoring for a report, and I must adjust my language translator to accommodate every single one of them-"

"C'mon Prowler-" Jazz began dragging Prowl to the door.

Prowl, about to resist, saw Red Alert. Red Alert smirked slightly, flashing him the 'thumbs-up' sign. Prowl wondered, but allowed himself to be dragged off by Jazz to the party.

Red Alert followed behind. Prowl was ready to ask what Red Alert had done to make him seem so confident, but Red Alert said nothing, and his face was quickly smoothing into his usually smooth face.

They entered the party just as the energon was being passed out. Red Alert hissed in Prowls auditory receptor, "Don't drink it!"

Prowl took the energon cube, but didn't touch it, noticing that Red Alert didn't as well. Jazz bounced to the front, shouting, "Here's to the wonderful planet Earth, and all the energon it gives us to have this sort of party! Drink up!"

Every mech except for Otpimus Prime, Ratchet, Prowl, and Red Alert drank deeply from their cubes. Jazz continued at his hyper pace. Red Alert checked his inside chronometer and held up five fingers…

Four…

Three…

Two…

One….

Every mech who had drank from the cubes collapsed into sleep. Red Alert nodded, turned, and was about to vanish into his own room, when Ratchet growled, "Don't forget, you promised to help haul all these mechs to the medbay to get their virus update."

Later, on some private list was placed: _Officers vs. Ark: 2-0_

* * *

_A/n: Someone complained to me that I wasn't getting Red Alert right. I'm so sorry! All I got to see of him was the Auto Beserk show, so... yeah... sorry. I'll try to make him seem less spazzy now. _


	4. Chapter 4

"I have decided to be illogical." Sideswipe stated, optics on Prowl.

Sunstreaker looked up from where he was busy trying to juggle a large stack of datapads. "What?"

Sideswipe snatched most of the datapads from off Sunstreakers pile, and placed it on his own. He then walked to Prowl, slamming down the huge amount of datapads in front of the mech in full view of the Arks crew. "All of this data was lost."

Prowls optics shuttered. "What?"

"All of this data was lost."

Prowl looked at the datapads, and back at Sideswipe, confused. "But, isn't the data in front of you?"

"But it's lost Prowl."

"Sideswipe, as far as I can see the data is in your pads right in front of you."

"The data is in the pads, but the data is lost."

Prowl groaned. "Sideswipe you are making no sense. How can data be lost if it is right in front of you?"

"The data is in front of me, but it is completely unoperational due to the Rudersons effect."

"The what?" Prowl said, staring at Sideswipe. "There is no such effect."

Sideswipe was about to launch on a long explanation, when Prowl held up a hand, giving up. "Sideswipe, how can we retrieve the information?"

"By doing something illogical." Sideswipe stated, before calmly gathering up the datapads.

He heard the sound of Prowl crashing behind him.

_Officers vs. Ark: 2-1_


	5. Chapter 5

Red Alert winced as a brawl began building up once more within the cafeteria. There was the sound of metal clashing, and Sunstreaker howled in anger as his paint was chipped. The brawl was officially on with the howl.

Prowl linked to Red Alert as he proceeded up to the cafeteria. "Red Alert- this is the fifth time this week they have started brawling. Can you do nothing to stop them?"

"It's not like they pay attention. You throw them into the brig and they spend the entire time plotting on what to do next. I swear if I ever, ever get my hands on something to make them stop-"

The cafeteria door slid open to complete chaos. Nobody dared waste energon, but neither did they both holding back when they fought each other. "This is as bad as a human bar fight. Isn't there some way to keep them all under control?" Red Alert grumbled softly.

Prowl pointed out, "I asked you that just a moment ago."

Red Alert threw Prowl a dirty look before his brooding optics returned to the scene before them. Water began sailing in the air along with oil as the brawl became really messy. A spark flew, and fire flamed into view, effectively breaking up the fight in the general stampede to get out.

Inferno obviously considered on whether or not to leave the fire, but his optics could see Primes head above the crowd. With a long suffering sigh he began working to put out the fire, switching from his usual water to foam.

Prowl watched the foam, as a slow, creepy smile twitched at his mouth. "Red Alert, do you think you can grab me these ingredients?"

Red Alert listened to the short list with gigantic quantities. "Yes. Why?"

Prowl simply smirked.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert frowned, looking troubled as Prowl got down off of the ladder. "Prowl- are you sure that's a good idea?"

"We'll release them before too long, and Wheeljack gave me a special acid that would dissolve it without a trace. It'll be fine, and it'll teach them a lesson."

Red Alert shook his head, optics worried. "But-" he hesitated, then nodded. "Alright, let's try this out. I'll… I'll contact you when it's time."

Prowl and Red Alert separated for the next few orns, until Red Alert at last reluctantly flickered on the comm. link. "Prowl, we got a fight brewing. They're eyeing the cameras and it should begin any moment now."

Prowl stood up smoothly. "I'll wait until it's too late for them to stop. Are you ready to lock the doors?"

A pause. "Yes."

"Very well then."

In the short amount of time it took for Prowl to make it to the cafeteria, the brawl was well on its way. Red Alert hovered outside of the door, optics two pools of silent agony. Prowl wondered what his glitch was saying now. "Ready?"

Red Alert nodded, silently trying to encourage himself, though his gaze was heavy upon Prowl. "Good, lock the doors shut then."

The doors bolt clicked shut ominously. Prowl flipped on the test switch to the fire sprinklers. Shouts and yelps drifted out from inside of the room, making Red Alert twitch. Prowl sighed, flicking it back off. "Give it a few minutes to dry."

After a long two breems, Red Alert hesitantly opened the door. All of the Autobots inside were frozen, a thick layer of foam freezing them into immobility. "So… we got the entire crew in this. How many points does that count as?" Red Alert eventually inquired.

"I'm not sure. Here, come help me."

Working together they managed to move every single Autobot.

0o0o0o0o0o

The human hesitated as Red Alert calmly set down the datapads. "Red Alert?"

"Yes?"

"What was with all of those foam statues out in front of the Ark?"

"Punishment."


	6. Chapter 6

Prime had been having a very bad day today. He had been attempting to shift through the large pile of data that was currently sitting on his desk and gathering dust. He had given up after a few orns however, due to his restlessness.

The Decepticons hadn't attacked in a long, long time. Nearly an entire _week _had gone by without an attack. It worried Prime, and he had been trying to get work done, but unfortunately-

The door to the elevator slid open to what Prime was _certain _was the elevator. At least, last time he had checked it was the elevator.

A desk sat in the corner of the elevator, complete with a cube of energon, a small cup of stylus, and a large stack of datapads. And behind the desk sat Prowl, diligently working away. Prime stepped in, optics spotting the level controls behind Prowl. Prowl glanced up coolly. "Do you have an appointment?"

"What?"

"Do you have an appointment?" Prowl demanded.

Prime optics shuttered in confusion. "No-"

"Then out."

Prowl punched the 'Door Open' button behind him, and the doors slid open. "I'm too busy too see anyone without an appointment at this point. Please schedule one."

Red Alert came running around the corner, and snapped, "Sorry I'm late for my appointment Prowl!"

Prowl calmly waited until Red Alert was inside, until his optics rested on Prime. Prime, confused, backed out the door. "You can always use the stairs." Red Alert suggested charitably, as the doors shut on Primes pole-axed expression.

"We have stairs?"

0o0o0o0o0

Prowl quickly collapsed the table as Red Alert scooped up the stylus. "You know, the order for us to go to Ratchet will be well worth Primes expressions."

"Did you have the cameras set up correctly?"

Red Alert pulled down the hidden cameras. "Got him dead on."

The very slightest smirk crossed Prowls face, before the elevator door dinged open to allow Beachcomber on. Both mechs nodded to Beachcomber genially, before stepping off. Beachcomber, about to say something, wisely fell silent at their expressions.

He had seen less-satisfied cats that had a bowl of cat-nip and a ray of sunshine.


End file.
